Yesterday, I had to share my “autobiography” in one of my classes, and I decided to focus on my experiences in the mental health system. My peers were so poetic and amazing and while I started off strong, I quickly rolled downhill, my unprepared speech riddled with long pauses and tangents. I had to be cut off because I reached my time limit without realizing— so embarrassing. And I’m gonna be real, I had “Buttons” by The Pussycat Dolls stuck in my head, so I was a little distracted. So, let’s just say I am not a great speaker. But I am overflowing with words of gratitude that need to get out, and they need to go somewhere, so instead, I’ll write.
When I posted, “Why I Left Cru,” I was expecting a few hundred views at the very most, the large portion of which being my mom’s Facebook friends. I could not have been more wrong. Within a week, it had been viewed over 4000 times. I have been overwhelmed and amazed by the comments and messages of support from not only my peers, but also total strangers. I got messages every day from someone who had also left their ministry, or someone who was afraid to come out, or someone inviting me to their Christian group. Yes, every once in a while, there will be a comment telling me how wrong I am, and that I am living a sinful lifestyle. I can be happy that at least those people took the time to read my article at all. My biggest fear in publicizing my experience was that my peers would be angry for a day or two and then forget about the whole thing. That has not happened and I do not have the words to express my gratitude. CUSG (Clemson University Student Government) and the Office of Access and Equity are actively investigating the ways in which they can address and remedy the situation, and ensure that the same thing does not occur in the future and harm another student. Both The Tiger and The Tab have provided me with opportunities to publish my story on recognized news outlets and reach a larger audience than only people directly connected to my social media pages, where I shared my post originally. My family, friends, and boyfriend have rallied around me with more passion that I could ever have on my own. I do not have the words to voice my thanks. But thank you. Denny Barnes, a gay man who was exiled from his church because of his sexual orientation, wrote: “I was faced with feeling wronged by the God that had invigorated me. I was given the opportunity to plant seeds of bitterness.” I too have had this opportunity. I have the right and ability to be angry and fuming, to be bitter and spiteful, and to attack the organization who hurt me deeply. But as I have said before, I will not be that. I will be graceful. I will be compassionate. I will be rational. I will be empowered. God has not wronged me; people have wronged me. This year, I had asked God to give me a purpose, and he always answers our prayers, just not always in the way that we want. I expected to have a purpose within Cru, and instead I was given a platform on which to stand up for what I believe in. My story is not the story of one person, but an example of the massive injustice LGBT+ Christians face every day. And maybe this might seem small, like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. There are LGBT+ people that are harassed and brutalized and arrested and even killed for living openly. I am aware that have immense privilege within the LGBT+ community as a white, Christian, upper middle class person. Yes, I am a woman and yes, I have Tourette Syndrome and yes, bisexuality is heavily scrutinized even by my gay counterparts. But when people look at me, they do not make the automatic assumption that I am not straight. Their perception of me is not based on the often negative stereotypes and judgments that come along with being gay. I am not asking you to ignore the larger issues at hand, but to continue to love and validate the experiences of anyone and everyone impacted negatively by the church. I am just one person, but when my community gathers around me, we can do so much more. Thank you.
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